Marriage is a wonderful commitment towards a new chapter in your life, hand-in-hand, with the one you most cherish. Like all parts of the relationship, it has its highs and lows – and the fact that you’re reading this article suggests you’ve begun to suspect that you might be in the latter point.
Be not afraid – God is helping your marriage along as we speak. It’s just a matter of recognizing the signs and rekindling that part of you that dares to hope for a kinder future with your spouse.
Marriage is more than trust, care, and acceptance. You might have married your best friend who happened to be the love of your life, but you can’t ever lose the second part. You find yourself still wanting to dote on your beloved, cherish them, and make them happy.
Marriage isn’t a day you spent together to make your relationship real. It’s the first day that both of you decided to share your lives with one another, and you’ll be making that choice together for every day to follow. If you feel any of that at all, it’s a sign that God is working on your marriage – so don’t lose heart and strive to do your part to make it work!
A lot of people who falter in their marriage start looking for obvious signs of God’s blessing, but most of them are right there in front of us – in plain view, no less. Just learn where to look first!
Signs God is Working on Your Marriage
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You’re Feeling not only Love but Devotion
It might come as a little surprising to realize, but you can fall out of love with someone and still care deeply for them. The romance simply ebbs away in favor of platonic sentiments. That makes for a good friendship – and maybe even a good partnership – but never a great marriage.
Think to yourself: “Is this the person I fell in love with, every day when I wake up?”
Not all signs have to come from outside sources. Sometimes, the truth of the realization can come from yourself – all it takes is the right question to draw it out past your own doubts.
It’s a sure sign that God is working on your marriage if your spouse still looks at you the way they used to – back when the two of you were first dating, remember?
Do you only love them enough to care about their happiness, however they might find it? Or do you love them so much that you want to share it with them – to be a part of their joy, just as they were made a part of yours on that special day?
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There’s a Quiet Sense of Contentment Between You Two
Marriage is often seen as the ultimate relationship milestone, but unfortunately, a lot of couples also happen to treat it as the end goal – with no idea what’s to happen to them next!
Complacency begets restlessness, which in turn leads to frustration.
On the other hand, the absence of this is a sure sign of God’s work on your marriage. You and your partner might be content, peaceful, and satisfied in one another’s presence – even in the absence of some sort of big, overarching goal to strive towards.
That’s a wonderful blessing to share, so never mistake that contentment for stagnancy!
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The Two of You Overcome Conflicts Together
No relationship will ever be free of conflict – even the devout struggle with their faith at times! What matters most isn’t the battle but the reconciliation.
A blessed couple is not one that finds themselves pitted against one another, fighting to bludgeon a solution out of the chaos, but a pair who work together in overcoming the issue. It’s a team effort that needs both of you listening, learning, and loving one another throughout this trying ordeal.
Remember that while the two of you are equal in this marriage, how you express that may not seem to be at times. The two of you may not love each other symmetrically, and that’s okay. You may be more suited to help them process their struggles, while they could favor handling the problems you bring them outright. A couple comes together, playing to their strengths.
There’s no need to match one another for the sake of it. Symmetry is not equality, and your marriage will get better provide both of you are working together as a team.
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There’s a Great Respect for One Another’s Boundaries
Marriages are sustained through a combination of trust, respect, and communication. It also means minding the boundaries either of you set. It could be anything from past experiences to old flames or even older shames, but there are likely some topics the two of you just don’t converse about.
It might worry you – you might be led to believe that they’re keeping secrets. Alternatively, you might feel ashamed of your own secrecy, feeling your spouse deserves better.
We want to be the first to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having taboo topics in your relationship. It took trust for that to be shared, respect to maintain that boundary, and communication to affirm that this won’t detract from the love you two share.
No one is keeping secrets here: you’re trusting one another with your deepest vulnerabilities!
It might sound counterintuitive to have such boundaries in a good marriage, but not every couple handles their dynamic the same way. Some partners share everything with one another, while others maintain their discretion on certain topics – the former isn’t inherently better than the latter. Both require respect and understanding, delivered in abundance, to function.
Trust is more transparency of intentions rather than information and will come at its own pace. If your partner remains considerate no matter the topic, you’re enjoying a lovely, gentle marriage. It’s always nice to be reminded that they value your well-being more than their curiosity.
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Spending Quality Time Together becomes More Enjoyable
Some relationships work best with a healthy distance between people. Imagine a friend you absolutely adore meeting on weekends. Now imagine what would happen if you had to spend every day in one another’s company – it might sour that dynamic, no?
Just because you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean you like spending time with them. You might enjoy their company now, but that may not continue to be the case in time.
Marriage demands a lot of time spent in close proximity to one another, which has the unfortunate side effect of souring wonderful relationships on occasion. It becomes an obligation, but that doesn’t have to continue like that once you realize things weren’t like that once upon a time.
How do you feel when you imagine spending the day with your spouse?
Are you happy? Excited? Do you start drafting plans?
If the thought of spending a whole day with your partner brings a smile to your face, your marriage is certainly a blessed one indeed!
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You Want to Make Their Lives Easier (And Vice Versa!)
Marriage comes with a lot of vows and responsibilities. Over time, these can feel more like obligations to uphold than opportunities to love one’s partner.
Chores and duties end up broken down and traded due to this. While it doesn’t necessarily lead to bad outcomes on its own, one may feel that the marriage has developed a transactional undertone.
It’s a wonderful sign if you or your partner don’t feel that at all. Does the idea of bringing them comfort or convenience make you happy? Do you think they believe the same?
It can be hard to find happiness in these troubling times, but if you can find that joy in your partner – and they, in turn, find it with you – that well will never run dry.
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Receipts and Past Mistakes aren’t Brought Up Anymore
Most marriages eventually hit rough spots, but how a couple acts here is more important than how they’d act during the best of times. When you’re handling these difficult times, do you turn to blame one another, or do you hold your tongue and work to figure the problem out?
Past transgressions are to be recognized, not leveraged or weaponized against your spouse. Your marriage will inevitably sour if you or your partner make a habit of this, sowing resentment.
That’s not to say that the past ought to be ignored entirely. It laid the foundation for who the two of you chose to be, faults and all. The future, however, is entirely in both of your hands – pray that your spouse is looking at the future with you, not dwelling on difficult pasts.
If your spouse is someone you’d gladly walk into tomorrow with, your marriage will endure.
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The Two of You Update Each Other on the Daily
Marriage is a lifelong commitment to sharing your lives together, but the huge scope sometimes leads to the people involved taking their day-by-day for granted.
Two people can live in the same house, eat the same food, and watch the same shows for years without ever genuinely sharing their lives. A lifetime is made up of wonderful little moments, all adding up to form spectacular memories.
A short call, a quick hello, or even a voice message reaffirms a more intimate emotional connection. Do you send your spouse videos or posts, hoping they’ll get a laugh out of them? Do you check up on them while they’re at work? Do they do the same to you?
If they don’t, avoid holding it against them. It might just be a matter of love languages not aligning. Let your partner know how much these gestures mean to you, and hopefully, you’ll see their improvements. It might not come at the pace you’d prefer, but trust in your spouse’s best efforts.
Other Signs that might Cue You In…
God helps people work through difficulties in an abundance of ways – not all of them will be grand or even particularly noticeable at the time. Some smaller signs are easy to overlook, but we’ll do our best to help you shed some light on things we may often take for granted.
- They always greet you with a warm hug, no matter how bad your day went.
- They talk about you a ton with friends and family!
- They know when you’re having a bad day even without prompting.
- You split your household chores with equity, not just equality.
This isn’t just a superficially equal workload being split in half, but one adjusting towards the other’s preferences and comfort as well as possible.
It would be doing most of the laundry because she doesn’t like dealing with strong detergent, and her in turn handling cooking because your culinary skills leave dinner blackened! Everyone on a team plays their own roles well, but they need to be able to cover each other’s weaknesses too.
- Both of you are willing to sit down with a counseling therapist and solve the problem.
- You feel frustrated but never had the urge to leave this marriage behind.
- Both of you respect and support one another when out in public.
Some jokes can be taken too far, and your partner needs unconditional support as much as love. Some humor can be inappropriate or undermining, even if wasn’t intended to be that way.
Love isn’t enabling someone you disagree with, but preserving their reputation while you discuss the issue at hand discretely. As a wise man once said, “Never take sides against the family”.
- You match each other’s enthusiasm when it comes to big celebrations!
- You can comfortably reminisce on old memories together.
- You can’t wait to go home, with them, after your day wraps up.
- Both of you can separate the argument from the person telling it
- Both of you can apologize for hurting the other without pride getting in the way.
- The two of you no longer feel lonely (Or perhaps feel lonely together now!)
- The two of you are ready for your future together, wherever it may lead.
- The two of you listen to each other attentively.
- You find yourself praying for their well-being, not their compliance.
Prayer is a wonderful part of a relationship together, but what you find yourself hoping for may not be what would help your marriage. Imagine if your spouse started praying for you to “See the light” or “Stop being so shortsighted” – it can feel patronizing and deeply condescending.
If you find yourself praying for them, and not just them relative to your comfort, your marriage will be in a better spot in the future. What’s best for them might be more inconvenient for you, but the fact that you’re praying for them means your love for them is genuine and pure.
Pray for their health and joy, not their cooperation. The latter will come, but not through loaded expectations. You don’t marry someone to change them – you do it because you love them.
- Both of you feel that this marriage is a choice you make every day, not an obligation.
Final Thoughts
It’s normal to develop doubts in one’s marriage – even if you love them, you can’t always be sure that your spouse still reciprocates the sentiment.
God loves you, and He’s helping your marriage – it’s just that some of those efforts can be so subtle that they end up difficult to spot without some guidance. All you need is a little nudge to remember that you aren’t alone as you led yourself to believe.
